This month's going to be a quiet one for me. I've been keeping on the D.L. packing and binge watching It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, and other movies. My days also consist of constant trips to the post office to ship out boxes, and selling furniture on the oh so creepy Craigslist (so far I've experienced one uncomfortable creepy incident; cross your fingers that will be the only creepy uncomfortable incident).

I'm kinda bummed this is the way my year is starting off, but I have high hopes and expectations starting February in good ole New York. I never thought I would miss New York so much, as I have been dreaming of moving out of my home state for the longest time. I've concluded that I'm not finished with New York yet. I'm still young, and there's so much I want to accomplish before I can justify a move elsewhere.

I've been slowly setting up things for myself for when I'm back. I signed up for two night classes. Figured I should try to better myself with graphic design. I know enough to get by, and I know all the Adobe programs, but it doesn't hurt to try and better myself. I've also been looking into a few places to volunteer. I'm actually quite excited for that. And of course I've been applying to jobs. Starting February, I know I'll be back to feeling like myself, and I know I feel better about life when I'm busy.
I can't wait!

In the meantime, my life has been all about selling my IKEA furniture. I woke up to a text from my brother this morning which consisted of this newish IKEA video poking fun at Apple. I wanted to share because this company has been so relevant to my life lately (especially since I play on buying some new furniture when I get back home).

Happy new year!

Can't believe how fast this year came and gone, but I'm excited for the new year.
For me, 2014 was the year to get things done. To recap, I graduated school, got a full time job, some freelance jobs along the way, and left it all to move to Portland.
I accomplished what I wanted to accomplish, and "got things done", so I'd say it was a successful year.

With my plans changing up a bit and my mind wandering everywhere, I want to name 2015 as the year to not settle and see where the wind takes me.
I've decided on three options: go back to school, job search back home and intern/find a full time job, or take advantage of this free moment in my life and travel. From what it looks like, I may end up doing all three this year and I'm totally fine with that. I don't have a weight on my shoulders anymore and I want to take advantage of this confusing time.

Everything I shared from my Portland goal post I want to apply to everywhere and no longer limit it to my Portland life, or soon to be lack thereof. I want to take advantage of the world outside of my little bubble, and that's what I want my 2015 to be - an introduction to the world.

This one post I found on Tumblr basically sums up everything for me currently:

"Nothing will ruin your 20s more than thinking you should have your life together already."

And because of this weird mindset I've been in lately, I've been curious to know how that will affect this blog in the future, but I guess time will tell. It's cool seeing transitions of blogs because of important life experiences that affect daily life. That's what makes life cool. Evolution, and not necessarily Darwin's version.

I couldn't think of a better way of spending new years day than a trip to the Oregon coast (see photos above). Yesterday was fantastic and I'm hoping to make every day even better.

I feel like it's not very often you come across a blogger that shares failures - or more like setbacks (a less harsh term than 'failure'). If you think about it, most blogs these days showcase the positive that people want to share. Not the negatives. Not that I'm looking to single myself out, but I've come across a recent setback that is making me question every move I make and I'm feeling comfortable enough to share.

My dream was to move across country to a unique city where I can feel like myself, and Portland sounded like that kind of city for me. Or so I thought. I've come to realize I was chasing a dream and I thought a big move would help me get a better grasp of the life I wanted. I had big hopes and promised myself I would make it work.

Turns out I couldn't actually make it work. I fixated on a place thinking it would change my life, and as much as it helped me figure out what I really want, it doesn't seem that Portland is the place to make it happen. This all occurred to me during a long personal thinking session I had with myself since I have so much time to myself these days.

I guess I find it kind of perfect this occurred to me right in time for the new year. There's nothing like that fresh feeling a new year can bring. I'm grateful I made this move as there's nothing worse than that dreaded "what if". I tested myself and I know now that I can handle living out of my comfort zone, and I'm excited to test myself again in the future as I do plan on bringing life to a new level and try out new things for 2015. I don't feel limited anymore and I want see what I can do with my life and how to make it so much better without fixating on things.

With that said, January will be my last month living in Portland in which I plan on heading back home to good ole New York to start fresh and go through that experience of "finding myself". I've seemed to join the mid-20s-straight-out-of-college-feeling-lost club. And I am no longer afraid to admit to myself that I really have no idea what I'm doing and I'm still trying to figure it out. Isn't that the first step to be able to get past something, recognizing what the problem is?

Every so often, I come across fortune cookies that tells me reassuring fortunes. I like this fortune and it's relevant to how I've been feeling lately. The future will hold great things, or at least I hope so. We'll see! And for sure I do plan on sharing it. Life is a fun quest that should be shared, especially both ups and downs.

I've never felt so uninspired in my life.
I haven't been in the mood to post about anything lately. I am still going through my dilemma about not having music as easily accessible as it was when I was living at home, so my days have basically been uber silent. (Don't get me wrong, I know how easy it is to play music on my laptop, but I loved my boombox. I sound so ridiculous saying that.) I don't leave the house too much, and I can't seem to get myself out of bed before 1 pm. I could go on and on about how my life has changed so drastically. But if I can be honest, I feel like I'm fallen in a ditch. Call it depression or whatever you want, but it's been taking a while for me to adjust and it definitely has taken a toll on me. I question if this is what rock bottom feels like. I've been deeply considering changing the situation, or sort of 'undoing' things. I definitely don't regret this move, because as so many people told me, if it doesn't work out, I can easily come back home and know that I did it. I won't ever be wondering that dreaded "what if".
This is all talk as of now anyway. But I'm seriously considering leaving before I fall deeper into this hole.

Anyway, now that the super honest part of how I've been feeling has been shared, I'll say that I just haven't had much going on for me right now. I think the issue of having too much time on my hands makes me not utilize my days correctly. I've been wasting so much time doing who knows what, and I feel so guilty not posting, but I just don't know what to post about. I've been working on projects here and there, but they're all in progress and nothing is completed and I haven't had much motivation to finish them.

I thought maybe changing up the blog layout would be a good idea to keep me busy and create something fresh, but I figured that's too much work right now. Then I thought maybe tweaking a few things here and there.
I'm not a big fan of taking pictures of myself, but I thought it was about time to change the top photo of me, as that was taken a year ago. I did it. I sucked it up and played with the self timer, and I concluded I look depressed in 90% of the photos I took. Honest portrayal of how I feel. But not really welcoming for a top image on a blog. Dilemma.

This one screams "I've been crying an hour before taking this photo. Look at the bags under my eyes". I scrapped that one. I didn't have much of a selection, so I picked the image where you saw half my face and can't really see too much emotion. Played it safe.
I also liked how I edited the initial image, so I followed the same scheme.
Minor blog change, but at least it's something.

I'm hoping to get out of this rut soon. I'll be going home for a few days for the holidays. I'll be home two weeks. A good amount of time to recuperate, or it might be just enough to be a tease. Either way, like I said, I'm considering changing this scenario, even if it feels like I've regressed. I just can't live like this anymore.
I apologize for getting too personal. I like to keep this blog an outlet for me to post about projects and crafts and positive things, but my life hasn't been too enjoyable to post uplifting things. I just hate not posting.

For the most part, I always ignore all of those links and quizzes about "what character are you most like from the cast of Friends" that people post all over Facebook and other social networking sites. BUT, my friend posted a personality quiz that I did end up clicking on. Yea, who hasn't taken a personality quiz. Everyone has. And I've taken plenty. But I was curious to see if my personality type shifted since the last time I had taken one.

Of course I got INTJ again.
Nothing has changed. I imagine if anything, I locked a little deeper into that type over the years.

Some parts of the description really popped out at me that I can so relate to for sure:
People with the INTJ personality type are imaginative yet decisive, ambitious yet private, amazingly curious, but they do not squander their energy.
INTJs are simultaneously the most starry-eyed idealists and the bitterest of cynics, a seemingly impossible conflict. But this is because INTJ types tend to believe that with effort, intelligence and consideration, nothing is impossible, while at the same time they believe that people are too lazy, short-sighted or self-serving to actually achieve those fantastic results. Yet that cynical view of reality is unlikely to stop an interested INTJ from achieving a result they believe to be relevant.

I've always believed that nothing is impossible and I appreciate reading that knowing it can be a thought that actually exists in some peoples' heads.
I've been having difficulty escaping from my own head lately, so I'm sure this whole personality type reading will be lingering for a while.
If you're curious to recheck yourself, this test was one of the better ones I've taken with a thorough explanation of each type.

I'm sad to see that 'creative' wasn't a term used because the arts have played a super large important role in my life, but 'imaginative' will suffice. I'll continue to be my 'imaginative' self and keep up with things that make me happy. My arts.

I can't believe it but todays marks three years that I've had this blog! (Note: those Chips Ahoy cookies are delish!)
I remember in my first post how I shared that I've taken up blogging once before but never followed through. This was a test for myself to see if I would keep up with something, and so three years later, here I am.

I wanted to point out some of my accomplishments while I've had this blog. Things could have been completely different if I didn't have another platform to share and keep up with the things that I do and make. Life is still going and 2014 definitely feels like the year in which things are only getting started.

Early this summer, I was invited by my friend to participate in Kawaiiland. This was my first time participating in an event in which I had things I made available for sale in person. It opened my eyes to an area of the crafting and selling world that makes me want to participate in more. It was great exposure and I'm not afraid to do it again.

Speaking of crafting and selling, this year I took the step to expand. So not only do I have one of a kind clothing and accessories up on Etsy, but now clothing and artwork is available on Storenvy. Separating these two is the best thing I could have done because it gives me a chance to expand instead of figuring out a way to tie everything together if I was to only stay on Etsy.

I know this should be in my 'end of the year' post, but why wait till then? Moving across country is playing such a large role in what I'm up to these days. Just taking that step changed everything for me. New things are occurring, more projects are coming my way, and just everyday life and experiences are happening. Life is starting to feel endless and I'm excited to share things that are coming about.

Aside from all that, I've even noticed my posts having more substance. I don't really stray too far from what I intended my blog to be about, and I've been doing great at documenting my process for a lot of the projects I take on. I've gotten accustomed to keeping track of the things I do and I now know to stop and photograph as I go. Along with posts, I see a huge difference in the photos I take. Huge improvement for sure. Photos play a huge role in blogs, and I've become in tune with how much is needed for each post I make. I've figured out what kind of editing in Photoshop makes me happy and I've become consistent. If anything, my photos get better everyday.

I'm still shocked I've been able to keep up with a blog as social media or anything of the sort is not really my thing, but I'm happy this is something I've stuck with. Keeping track of the things I make has become important to me; it's given me a way to reference projects I've done and document important life points. Aside from that, I hope that it gives others inspiration or at least the idea that so many things are possible in the crafting world. I want everyone to feel as though they can partake in DIY, as there's no limit to projects, and if you see something you like, make it yourself, and make it even better.
Thanks for reading!

Almost done unpacking. Areas of the room are forming; it's coming together.

Set up my record player and organized a place to put my records. It's getting cozy, and it's making me more excited to buy records. This is surely the city to go record shopping. And they're reasonably priced if you're on a budget, which I've concluded that I am. I have to be.

I've been playing more music. Made a few new discoveries, which I want to share.

Psyched Up Janis - The Stars Are Out
I started getting into this band that Sune Rose Wagner fronted before The Raveonettes. I love how his voice fits these songs so well, it's kinda like a Raveonettes part II.

Eluvium - Under The Water It Glowed
I made a new friend in this city recently and we of course had a music discussion. I talked about my love for shoegaze and noise and he recommended I listen to this track. It's just droning and I love it. I'm not a big fan of instrumental songs, but this one is great to just doze off to.

Allo Darlin' - Dreaming
This band is more indie/cute but so pleasant to listen to. This song just makes me happy and craving fun nights out like this with friends. Makes me miss my friends back home, but gets me excited for future friendships that may form. I should get out of the house, hah.

I'm just craving new music. I want to go music shopping. I should add that to my list of things to do for the next outing I go on. About that budget...

I'll admit, it's been hard adjusting. I really do feel like I'm vacation; it's been tough since I went from working two jobs seven days a week, to absolutely nothing. I've been job searching. Hasn't been that easy. I'm kicking myself for already feeling this way after a week of being here.
All of my boxes officially arrived too. You'd think I would be busy unpacking, but I'm taking my time. I think everything became real when the thought of having to unpack came about. I guess I'm just trying to find an excuse to go back home and send all my stuff back. But I've been tackling boxes, slowly but surely it'll all get done.

This is the first time I'm living day to day - completely in the moment. Which makes things feel like they are moving in slow motion. I'm hoping soon this bookcase will be filled, as well as every other storage related container I bought. They ain't gonna fill themselves, thats for sure.
But I do have to say that after unpacking quite a number of boxes, I'm realizing how much I brought with me. Especially art supplies. I have so much to keep myself busy; I have been becoming a little more inspired. I feel like my mojo is slowly coming back.

I noticed I haven't been listening to much music. I've been sitting in silence a lot. I also haven't taken many pictures. Actually, I've taken pretty much close to none. I've been a bit of a homebody, which I'm hoping to snap out of when I find a job and make a few friends.
To add more to that list, I haven't really been blogging either. I've had no inspiration and motivation for anything ever since leaving home. I'm just hoping to get out of this mini funk and get back to being productive. I know it'll take a little while, but I'm working on it.

I guess I just have to continue living in the moment and just take things as they come. I'm no longer on a time crunch, so there's nothing stopping me right now from doing anything.

I apologize for the scatterbrain-like thoughs, but that's how life has been for me lately.

I've finally found a good time to sit, reflect, and post. The past few days have been wild. From all the shopping, to building, to unpacking; I'm exhausted. I was lucky to have my mom and brother fly out with me to help out. It made adjusting a little easier having familiar faces here to help. Unfortunately I'm still waiting for the majority of my things to arrive. That's the downside of not being in control of moving your own boxes out. But a road trip from one coast to the other was a little out of question.

I'm not gonna lie. I know I've been out here less than a week so far, but I miss my home, family, friends, my room. Even when it looked like a crazy cluttered mess like the photo above. It was my space. My things. I'm happy to finally move out of my parent's home, but it's going to be a crazy period of adjusting. I'm no longer in my comfort zone.

There's still quite a bit of physical things I left behind, especially a lot of personal projects. In freshman year of high school, we had to sculpt a mask of some sorts. I was in love with The Crow movie, so I based it after that. I also went through this weird phase with The Birthday Massacre band, and imitated and created bunny ears that the singer wore in one of the music videos. I mounted them on my wall after I redid my room three years ago.

Half of my room is raspberry colored, the other half super light blue-gray. I hung up my art and other goods on the wall next to my bed. I love how simplistic it looks on the super light wall. These are my interests and I was happy to create and organize a fun wall of things that represent my interests pretty well.

I also had this mirror for the longest time. Probably ever since I moved into my very own bedroom back when I was twelve. Before, it used to be white with blue and green squares. It was pretty boring. I went through a huge decoupage phase during that time and I completely smothered it in paper scraps and gold paint.

I had to take a picture of my room all cleared out. I didn't transport any furniture which is why my room still looks pretty filled up, even though I did pack a hella amount of things with me. This to me actually looks pretty damn empty which is crazy.

These were all parts of my room that I loved. For three years I've been planning this move, but during those three years is when a lot of new interests developed and I really made my room super cozy, and yes, super cluttered. But it was still my space, and I'm hoping to adjust real soon to carry that comfortable and settled in feeling here.

My brother posted this panorama progression on Instagram, which I stole from him. As I said, I'm still waiting for most of my possessions to find their way round here, but this is a sneak peak before I officially move myself in and organize.

There's a lot that I limited myself to when living in New York. Looking back on it now, living close to the city, I should have been more active in the communities. But at the same time, if I had a second chance I probably wouldn't have done all that much more. I had a goal in mind: to move out of state. I felt the burden of a time crunch, so why join anything when I would have to leave pretty soon?

That was my state of mind. Probably not the best excuse. I should have enjoyed what New York had to offer, and the truth is I did! I loved New York, and I participated in what I could handle. But I do know I could have done more.

Now that I'm finally moving to my dream city, I no longer see an expiration date. Why not actually do things and enjoy life, right?

I made a list of stupid little goals and things I want to do in Portland, hah. I'm going to keep this list handy and make sure they make appearances in future posts.

So,
01. My main priority is to get a job. I may have some cool things rolling my way. I'm not stressing though; I'm feeling confident!
02. Moving to a pretty active and nature filled city, I obviously want to get more into nature. Every time I've visited, I loved all the hikes I went on. More hikes, please!
03. On the topic of being active, I think it's pretty mandatory I get into biking. I can't even tell you the last time I've been on one. I'm moving to the biking capital. I should jump on board the biking trail.
04. About the transportation, I love public transportation which is why I haven't gotten my driver's license yet. Public trans has been too convenient for me, especially traveling to/from/all-around NYC 5 days a week since graduating high school. I just need to pass my road test.
05. Another important goal is to make new friends. So far I've gotten familiar with my neighbors. They're all great. I'm not too concerned I won't make new friends; I feel like I'm still at an age where it's still possible.
06. I want to attend a lot of events - concerts, festivals, local events, anything that will keep me busy and socializing. In New York, I rarely attended anything. From what I see, Portland has some very interesting events.
07. Artsy and active things are also on the menu. I want to become a member in some awesome art studios that fill up the city, and even participate in craft fairs. I also want to join the roller derby so bad. Are there such things as clubs in the adult world?

08. I've been exploring and trying different foods. LOVE Indian cuisine. Portland has so much variety, and they're big into food trucks. My taste buds are going to go on a fantastic journey for sure.
09. Speaking of journeys, I'm hoping so many road trips will happen. Long Island is sorta a trap; 3/4 of directions you go, you hit water. Not the same case in any other state outside of New York. I'm excited to have the option to explore without constantly running out of land.
10. I also am excited to just explore the inner city and go on adventures right around the corner. There's so much to do waiting to be discovered.
11. I've spoken about guitar things a few times before. Unfortunately my guitar won't be moving due to space issues. I'm considering buying a new guitar out there, but it won't happen for a while until I settle. I want to get back into playing the guitar again. Like, DIVE into actually learning.
12. I also plan on being in full craft mode, depending on how much free time I have outside of jobs of course. I want to do so much. Not shipping out all my art supplies, I'm excited to just focus and use what I have.

Bring it on, Portland!

One week left. That's where I'm at.
I've been making my rounds, seeing all the friends and family I can see. I basically keep hearing the same thing from them all. Yea, it's repetitive, but I really don't mind hearing it. Glad to know we're all on the same page.
Yes, I'm following my dreams. Yes, it's better to know I did it than to have that lingering "what if". Yes, I do have a home to come back to if it doesn't work out.

What I keep thinking about is how will this change me? Will I change for better or worse? Throwing yourself into a new environment completely alone can do wonders on a person, whether it be good or bad. I'm just afraid I may take a turn for the worse, OR things may be absolutely wonderful. Who knows.
I guess I just wanted to make a random list of things about myself for myself that I can refer to. Is it silly to be thinking that way? I don't want to sound dramatic, but I guess I just want reminders even if this list is a bit on the trivial side.

                  (Photo courtesy of USPS. Passport renewal is currently in progress.)

01. I love Bill Murray.
02. I’ve been hand sewing since I was 12. I just got a sewing machine and learned how to use it less than a year ago. Can’t tell you how much more easy life has gotten.
03. I love knee high socks. I also have a large collection of fun socks. Solid colored socks don’t really do it for me.
04. I love everything red velvet and cotton candy.
05. I have a weird obsession with Fabio.
06. I wish I could be platinum blonde. Even if it was just for a day.
07. I so very much connect with Radiohead’s ‘Let Down’.
08. Stella Doro’s 'angel wings' are my favorite cookies ever, and I’m so disappointed that they have been discontinued.
09. I’m very materialistic. I'm not afraid to admit it.
10. I can’t seem to grow out my bangs. I always end up cutting them short. They have taken over my life, and my face.
11. I’ve been dyeing my hair since I was eleven.
12. Shoegaze is my favorite music genre. The more noise, the better.
13. I hate the beach, but I have a thing for aquatic life.
14. I own blue lipstick; I wish it could be an everyday lipstick but I don't think it can even be an occasional color. It’s hard to walk outside and feel comfortable when people are staring. I get super self conscious.
15. I picked up the guitar when I was twelve. I know how to play decent but I feel like I haven't progressed since school and ‘adulthood’ has kept me fully occupied.
16. I find it hard to connect with people in general. I feel like that played a role in why I didn’t have many friends growing up, which is why I became so damn artsy. Needed something to fill my time.
17. Gwen Stefani was and still is my idol. She’s perfect.
18. Never really liked school. I have a case of selective memory. History was especially tough for me because I didn't care enough.
19. I despised the color pink up until a year ago. I guess I was afraid it would make me too feminine, but I have grown to really love the color.
20. I have way too much patience.

Another fact to throw in: Third Eye Blind's first album was my first rock CD way back when it came out. They will forever hold a special place in my heart, and I know I will most likely put them on repeat when I move out. It brings me to a comfortable place.
This song is my fave fave fave. Cue in the sobfest.

It hasn't been successful so far, if I can be honest. I didn't realize how much of a procrastinator I was. Well, maybe it's not so much procrastination as it is weird, mixed feelings making me not want to pack. But I've been told that this is normal: having mixed feelings before making a big move.

I've also come across this article from the New York Times about Portland being a city for the young to retire, aka a slacker city as they make it sounds like. I find it funny that this article came out three weeks before my moving date. And I love how everyone I know is bringing it to my attention. And so therefore I'm bringing it to your attention.

To continue my jumbled thoughts and blabber, I was listening to the radio the other day and the Rolling Stones came on. Now, I like my classic rock, but I'm not entirely a big Stones person. I just take them as they come. I don't seek them out. But they were on the radio and the lyrics "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find you get what you need" really hit me. I had a connection.

I searched high and low for an apartment but couldn't find a single soul to respond. I also had a neighborhood in mind that I was really shooting for, but nothing was working my way. I then decided to think about the standards I had set, and when I broadened my search I found a place that fell into my lap. What originally turned me off was the fact that it was a basement bedroom. I was told to run away from basement bedrooms. The neighborhood is also a little north than I would have liked, but it's got major transportation stops down the block, so that was all that mattered to me. Falling into this situation was perfect because my landlord is amazing and the neighbors are great. It's a nice community, and for me coming from the other side of the country not knowing anyone out there, it's a perfect place for me to adjust being surrounded by a good batch of people. Thinking like the Stones, I can't always exactly get what I want, but when I widened my search, I found what I needed: a nice community with people that will be there for me. It feels like a little bit of a stretch, but I still had that connection with the song.

It's been a tough thing deciding what to take and what to leave behind. I'm nervous that my family is going to swarm in and box my room up after I leave. My brother has already been planning what to do to my room. I just picture vultures in this scenario. Just all around paranoia. That must be a normal feeling too.
This is all really a crazy roller coaster ride.
I'm done blabbering now.

I'm leaving for Portland today!
I booked my flight with a friend over a month ago and I can believe how fast the time flew.
We're leaving today, and coming back on the 14th. A good week of experiencing a great city on the other coast.

I've had it in my head for a couple of years that I will move to the west coast after graduating. Crazy thing is, now I have one more semester to go before graduating and I got to get my act together. I'm really hoping a lot of good things will come from this trip. Networking, meeting, connecting, SHOPPING. So excited.

Last time I was there was about a year and a half while visiting Seattle. This time we plan on staying in Portland, but visit Seattle for a day. No concrete itinerary, but lots of ideas of what we would like to do.
I plan on being out and about, which means I won't be bringing my laptop. My online stores are temporarily closed, and so, I bid adieu for now. Hope y'all have a great week and I'll be back with fun stories and great photos!

It's officially 2014! New years - the one time a year to start fresh.
I talked about my goals yesterday, but I started thinking about my resolution.
I think I want to keep up with saying yes more; many good things can come out of saying yes. I also want to make things happen. That's what's great about life, nothing's impossible.

Ever since I was younger, I always had the mentality of nothing's impossible. Whether I acted on that is a different story, but it was something I always had in the back of my mind. Since we are getting older each day that passes, life is only getting more interesting, it feels important to act on it and treat each day as an adventure.

Ever since I found this fortune years ago (I have a little collection of worthy fortunes, and I also just love eating fortune cookies) my belief seemed legit. It made me believe nothing is impossible, but there is such thing as acts being improbable. They're two different things, it makes sense.

So with that said, I am taking this to heart starting now and I want you all to think about this too. If you believe in doing something, keep trying. Don't give up, even if things don't seem likely to happen, don't shoot down the idea because you never know what will come out of it. It may be something amazing. Life can surprise you like that.
It really never hurts to give anything a try.

To end this post, here's a beautiful Depeche Mode song; one of my favorites. Although it's a love song, it gets the same point across.
Happy new year :)

This year had so many ups and downs. Began nicely and took a big dive until the beginning of the summer. I picked myself up, sorted out my priorities, and life has been wonderful since. Some highlights from 2013 were:
• This semester that had just finished was fantastic and hard as hell. I learned so much.
• I opened myself up to new things: food, music, art methods, etc. I said no a lot less, and in result had fun.
• In the world of friendships, my school friends and I have really became a tight knit group. We're all in the same boat and we all understand each other. We support each other, and I have so much to thank them for. They're keepers.
• I've been trying to begin some kind of career in illustration/the art world, and although it's been a tough one, I've been feeling more and more confident as each day passes and I've been making things happen. I set up a portfolio website, I made a physical portfolio book, I created my own business cards, I've contacted companies to get myself out there for potential freelance jobs. At this point I'm determined and I won't let anything stop me.
• Aside from my potential growing illustration career, at the end of the semester I began an internship at a screen printing company in NYC.

My determination is growing more and more everyday, and with 2013 ending I have so many plans for myself in 2014.
The beginning of 2014 is already booked to be fantastic because I will be visiting Portland for a week!

My goals for 2014:
• Continue with illustration and get as many freelance jobs as possible.
• Work as much as I can and save money.
• Graduate in May!
• Move to Portland in July.
• Create & sell more things for my Etsy store.
• This will be the tough one, but I'd like to get a book deal; I have so much brewing in my head that I'd love to get into a book. An art book, that is. I ain't no writer.
• Grow collections. I have so many art books that I invested in this year and I'd like to see that expand. I'd also like to begin vinyl collection. I got a record player for Christmas which I'm super excited about.
• Mainly, I just wanted to make life happen and be happy, in Portland. Life goal.

I want to make 2014 the year to make things happen. That's my main goal. To make things happen. Here's to a wonderful new year!

MARIAKAY.COM is an official thing!

I bought website space on Go Daddy a few months ago. Took my time getting it up; made like five different layouts before I finally found one I was happy with. Condensed sections, added more pictures, changed the sidebar - so much construction.

Anywho, it's finally my official art portfolio website. Still have plans of adding more of my work within the next few weeks, but it's at a point where it doesn't look empty and that makes me happy.

I also took initiative to start up a new Tumblr filled with my work and crafty things and whatnot. I have another Tumblr in which I use to reblog photos I like. It's more of a inspiration blog (it's come to use SO many times when I needed a push for projects). I wanted to create a Tumblr where I don't reblog and all photos are mine. The only reblogs are music posts and that's it. It's still super fresh, but don't be afraid to follow me!

I was excited to share a major step for me. It's a little nerve-wracking to make a site dedicated to you, but portfolio websites are a thing; they're a thing to help you get noticed and get assigned work. I'm excited for what's to come now that I have my site up and running! Making strides.

Hope you all had a great holiday season! The new year is right around the corner, how exciting!

Can't believe it's been two years now that I've had this blog, boy does time fly for sure!

No need to make this a long post, but I just want to express appreciation to visitors, and I'm excited for what the future will bring as I will continue to document life and what comes with it. This year alone I think I've accomplished a lot, especially a certain mindset [as much as this year had plenty of downs, I still rose above with the help of family, friends, and the oh so many goals I have to keep my mind and myself busy and productive].

I've made technology advances, bought website space to make a portfolio website [which I'll post about when I'm done and happy with it!], participated in fun events and projects, and have created so many goals and more fun projects to come. I'm content with the direction I'm heading in and thinking about everything that will come makes me super motivated and ecstatic to continue on and make all of my dreams come true [as cheesy as it sounds]!
So many smiles!

A while ago, I posted about my switch to Storenvy. After talking to some friends and gaining insights and working up motivation to actually give a damn, I decided to move back to Etsy, and I'm sure this time it's for good.

I wouldn't say Storenvy wasn't a satisfying experience, but being that I am not one to self promote (not purposely that is, I'm just not good at it) it seemed challenging to get myself out there. Etsy makes it easy because it's the go to site for crafted goods (everyone and their mothers browse through the site) and they make it easy to promote and whatnot without really trying. I need that push and assistance. When I moved stores the first time around, I felt Etsy was a temporary thing. I couldn't really get into it, but now that I'm back on there, I think the flow will be more comfortable. It really is all about trial and learning, right?

So anyway, here I am back on Etsy, giving it another go. Once again, the thrill of a new store makes me feel motivated and I've been really sewing up a storm this summer break. Got to take advantage of the free time I have these days, right?

While on a roll with changing things up, I also went and changed my blog layout. I am totally loving it, and I hope you do too!

I also feel the need to share my song of the moment. I currently have this song on repeat as I continue to sew up that storm.
I love Grimes. Have I ever shared that before? Well now you know. I love Grimes.

I posted this on Tumblr yesterday. I wanted to share it here as well.
The past few days (since I've been absent from the blogging world for a little while, I needed to catch up) I've been reading posts from bloggers about self image and self love. Two that come to mind are Charlavail and Amy Morby. Along with recent events in my life, the messages they're trying to get across had me thinking.

This snapchat photo was in response to a snap my friend sent me. At the same time, this photo also expresses a self realization that occurred today.

You know how you’re always told that people are flawed? It never really hits you until, who knows when it hits you actually. It can click at any moment, and it did for me today. When you take a step back and look at people as a whole, everyone is flawed; no one is perfect. Some people acknowledge it, but most people don’t which is why everyone talks s*** about eachother.

My whole life I’ve had poor self image; I never liked myself because people always picked apart at my flaws. I was always too nice to do return the favor which is why it tore me apart every time. I believed it all. Recently I felt those old wounds open up when people started picking me apart again. I let those feelings stew a bit until today when it hit me that I just don’t give a f***. I am flawed and so is everyone else in this entire world. The way you handle that shows what kind of person you are. When you accept everyone else as they are, the better off you are, and the better you become. When you pick apart someone else, you are showing the world who you really are: a hypocrite.

This realization made me stop and think about myself. As long as they’re productive and harmless actions, I will do whatever the hell I want. I’ll wear what I want, I’ll cut my hair the way I want, I’ll shave when I want, I’ll keep up with whatever hobbies I want; the list is endless. We are here to look out for ourselves, I mean we are living OUR OWN lives, aren’t we? Do what makes you happy, that should be all that matters. (Yes I know, we should act selflessly and watch out for eachother, but I’d like to think that’s a given. In terms of appearance and state of mental health, that’s a different case.) Our flaws shouldn’t control our lives, and other people’s judgements and criticisms shouldn’t control our lives. WE control our own lives and if other people can’t handle that, they’ll get a slap from reality real soon, won’t they.

All I’m saying is, don’t let other people get you down. Do as you please, and if anyone passes judgements, just remember that there is always something you can judge about them too, because as I said, no one is perfect. Be happy with yourself. Be happy with who you are, and what you look like. You control your life. Don’t let others get away with controlling it for you.

Here’s to self realization.

This mindset is something that is achieved on your own, for you to come to terms with your own self. It may not even make sense now, but it's something that can make sense if you want it to.
We're surrounded by concepts that are considered standards, it's hard to not let words take a toll on you when you don't fit those standards.

I don't want to make this all preachy, but I guess here are some "tips" to help you come to your own terms:
• Try something different today, be it major or minor. Test your confidence. Yesterday, I cut my bangs and parted my hair differently. It's crazy how something little like that can make you feel like a new person.
• If anyone passes judgement at you, feel free to judge them back, in your head. Be the bigger person, keep it to yourself; let them have their moment of hierarchy. As hard as it may be, don't acknowledge their words. Remember, they are in denial of their own flaws.
• Look in the mirror, make funny faces at yourself, stare at yourself, accept your flaws. When you come to terms with the fact that you are not perfect, just like everyone else in the world, others criticisms will be easier to pass and ignore.
• Read something spiritual that gets to the deeper meaning of the self and the soul. I'm currently reading the Tibetan Book Of The Dead. It's always interesting to learn about getting to the root of the soul and things that should matter more than physical appearance. Life should be about who you are inside, not about your exterior.
• Smile at the world. Be happy. You know something most people don't know: how to love yourself.

And that's Self Realization Friday 101 with Maria. I hope you took something from all this rambling.

Happy New Year!

I've been meaning to sign on and do a bunch of new year related posts. I still plan on getting around to them, but for now I wanted to post about this idea I'd like to share. Actually found it as I was browsing Tumblr.

THE JAR OF 2013
This would have been best to start it on the first day of January, but I figured eleven days into the new year isn't bad.
This jar is to help you keep track of all good moments as they happen.
Write your happy moments on pieces of paper and put them in the jar. (It's all about preference, but I am keeping track by writing the date on each piece of paper.) It'll be a collection of blissful experiences that you will reread on the last day of the year.
I wouldn't call this a resolution exactly, but it could be motivation to start experiencing more positive and happy points in time than negative. I surely feel motivated to create more feel good junctures.

I think this is a great way to pay attention to happy moments, even if they're miniscule. Start keeping track of anything that puts a smile on your face.
I wanted to pass this on to all of you. It's not too late to start!