I feel like it's not very often you come across a blogger that shares failures - or more like setbacks (a less harsh term than 'failure'). If you think about it, most blogs these days showcase the positive that people want to share. Not the negatives. Not that I'm looking to single myself out, but I've come across a recent setback that is making me question every move I make and I'm feeling comfortable enough to share.

My dream was to move across country to a unique city where I can feel like myself, and Portland sounded like that kind of city for me. Or so I thought. I've come to realize I was chasing a dream and I thought a big move would help me get a better grasp of the life I wanted. I had big hopes and promised myself I would make it work.

Turns out I couldn't actually make it work. I fixated on a place thinking it would change my life, and as much as it helped me figure out what I really want, it doesn't seem that Portland is the place to make it happen. This all occurred to me during a long personal thinking session I had with myself since I have so much time to myself these days.

I guess I find it kind of perfect this occurred to me right in time for the new year. There's nothing like that fresh feeling a new year can bring. I'm grateful I made this move as there's nothing worse than that dreaded "what if". I tested myself and I know now that I can handle living out of my comfort zone, and I'm excited to test myself again in the future as I do plan on bringing life to a new level and try out new things for 2015. I don't feel limited anymore and I want see what I can do with my life and how to make it so much better without fixating on things.

With that said, January will be my last month living in Portland in which I plan on heading back home to good ole New York to start fresh and go through that experience of "finding myself". I've seemed to join the mid-20s-straight-out-of-college-feeling-lost club. And I am no longer afraid to admit to myself that I really have no idea what I'm doing and I'm still trying to figure it out. Isn't that the first step to be able to get past something, recognizing what the problem is?

Every so often, I come across fortune cookies that tells me reassuring fortunes. I like this fortune and it's relevant to how I've been feeling lately. The future will hold great things, or at least I hope so. We'll see! And for sure I do plan on sharing it. Life is a fun quest that should be shared, especially both ups and downs.

I don't think I'm even close to being qualified to be sharing business tips as I'm fresh into the industry, but I've learned enough from personal experience and from watching friends and coworkers to know what to do and what not to do at this point in my life. And I wanted to pass it onto all y'all that are in a similar position.

01. Take criticism. Everyone has opinions and many people are not afraid to express their opinions. Putting yourself out there (especially on the internet), you're going to get critiqued, be it good or bad. No matter what, you can learn from what people say, and you should never take it personally. Criticism is everywhere you go. Try to look at it as a way to grow; that mindset will take you far.

02. Communication is key. When you take on a job, communicate. Be it freelance or even full time, make sure everything is discussed fully up front. If you're confused, don't be afraid to ask questions and make everything clear. You'll feel more dumb producing a wrong end result than asking too many questions too avoid that wrong end result. Talk it out.

03. Don't be afraid to contact anyone. Write down who you know or who you'd like to know. Even if you have big dreams, go for it. It's amazing that we live in a time where we can contact people from across the world. People share their emails for a reason - to set up contact. Take advantage of that! It never hurts to reach out and ask questions.

04. Best time to send out that e-mail? This is one of those weird things that I'm still testing out, but apparently the best time to send out emails for job opportunities or general inquiries is Tuesday through Thursday. Sending an email over the weekend can lead you to get lost in the middle of the crowd as soon as people check their messages first thing Monday morning. Towards the end of the week, your email may not even be checked until the week after. The best time to send something is in the middle of the week. It's something to keep in mind taking into consideration business days.

05. What do you have to lose? This has been becoming my motto. It helped me move across country. Then again, everyone is in a different position, so I understand not everyone can up and move. But it's the little things that count too. Going back to a previous point, if there's someone you want to contact about a question, new job opportunities, etc., send that email. You have to start looking at the world as a place with endless opportunities. So much is accessible, you just have to reach for it. Seek out those opportunities. What's the worst that can happen, you're denied or ignored? I think life can be much worse. Do as NIKE says.

06. Don't burn bridges. Something didn't turn out the way you planned? Disagree with someone? Job experience went sour? Don't lash out! I personally believe you should move on and keep your mouth closed. You never know when you're going to run into someone you don't like - sometimes avoiding is not as easy. The really crummy people also seem to have the best contacts, and you never know if you'll need to contact said crummy person to ask for help. Even a reference letter may be something you need. You never know. The world works in funny ways and it's never a good idea to burn bridges.

07. Don't always rely on others. Oh, I could go on for days about this one topic. Just the past few months alone I can tell you how horrible it can be relying on others. Keep in mind that everyone has their own life they're taking care of first. But at the end of the day, everything is always a waiting game because you're always interacting with other people; it's unavoidable. Have you been waiting on someone else to help you out with something? Don't wait. Find a way to make something work for yourself. If you held your breath waiting on others, you'd be dead. Take action yourself.

08. Don't be afraid to dive in, but be prepared with a backup plan. I don't think being impulsive is a bad things. Sometimes you just have to go for something whether you're prepared or not. But I have learned the hard way that a backup plan may be good to have. Things don't always work out the way you want and it's not so bad to have something to fall back on.

09. Underselling yourself can sometimes do more damage than good. If you take on a freelance job, charging too little may make you come off as a person who doesn't know what they're doing, or the work you produce isn't great. It can be uncomfortable talking numbers. Just remember, aim high because you can always work your way down. Most of the time there are negotiations, and it's better you worked together to reach a reasonable number than something you can't go back on from the beginning.
But there are exceptions, like in the next point...

10. Don't be afraid to compromise and satisfy others. Sometimes you have to work within peoples budgets, and small businesses have small budgets. If you're doing work for local companies, it's okay to work under your price range every so often to help the locals. In this cut throat world full of competition, small businesses are putting up such a fight to make it out alive. Every so often, it doesn't hurt to help out.

11. Follow your gut. I like to think of your gut as your sixth sense. It's an internal feeling that can help guide you when you're feeling indifferent. Following my gut helped me take on a lot and I feel comfortable saying it hasn't failed me yet. Who knows how many horrible decisions you've dodged by following your internal feelings. It's important to listen to yourself.

12. Always thank people for their time. To ask for someone to stop and put their attention on you, it's always respectful to thank them. It's just as easy stand out as a polite person as it is to stand out as a rude person. Between the two, I think we can all agree, be the polite person.

And one more bonus: a tweet from Tina Roth Eisenberg from Swiss Miss.

These are all points I have learned over the past year alone. With the new year coming, it's good to keep these in mind to apply them to future scenarios you find yourself in. I know I'm excited for the new year to start fresh and dive more into the business aspect of the freelance industry.
I'm sure this list will change and for sure grow, but I'll just have to wait and see!

I took advantage of this time being home for the holidays to condense and get rid of clothing and knick knacks. I own way too much stuff which is why it was so hard to move out. I didn't know what to bring and was too attached to everything I own. Moving away from home taught me to be minimal and clutter-free and I now feel comfortable getting rid of long time belongings.

If you told me to get rid of this bag a few months ago, I would have said hell no!

This bag was the first bag, and if I recall correctly, the first item I owned that I altered. When I was young, I mostly made clothes for my Barbies and Babysitters Club dolls. Never have I felt encouraged to alter my clothes. Took me some time after puberty to start my rebellion phase and customize my own things.

In seventh grade, I no longer wore this rose shirt and thought it would look cool combined with this stripe fabric. Instead of making something for myself, I felt bored with my school bag and decorated it with this shirt and stripes.

I used this bag every single day for I think two years which would explain the worn in look, and white fabric that is no longer white. It was my favorite bag.

I apparently didn't get any sort of satisfaction of doodling on my school papers that I colored in so much of my bag as you can see. It was made of denim material so I colored in strips of the woven material.

Deep down, it makes me sad to be getting rid of things that are so dear to me, but it's also a huge relief. As long as I documented it, I'm totally fine with throwing this bag into the donation bin. It's so worn in that I doubt anyone will want it. Maybe there's another girl out there who's entering her rebellion phase looking for a cool, worn-in bag to sport to school.
But hey, it's out of my hands now. Out of sight, out of mind!

It's nice being home for the holidays.
Feels good charging myself back up to get ready to go back to Portland. After the new year, big changes are going to happen for me again which I'm looking forward to. This year has been one big roller coaster ride and I'm eager to see where life's going to bring me next.

In the meantime, I'm excited for my new Palladium boots, Madeleine recipe book and molds, and my monkey tea infuser!

I'm going to keep this post short and wish y'all a wonderful holiday season!

Have you heard of Made With Code yet? It's a website by Google that features projects for girls to create with code. I never really thought most of these featured tools and projects would be considered as 'code', but it's a cool concept and I love the push for girls to follow their dreams and create.

I can't quite remember what month this took place, but 3D printing was promoted by Shapeways which gave you the option to test out this 3D printing and create a bracelet.
Mine came in the mail not too long ago.

You got to choose the specifics - the size, color, and the words. I obviously chose to write the name I use for everything - Mars En Route.

It fits real perfect, and I had fun snapping artsy picture to show it off!

I've been real interested in this kind of 3D printing and am considering making a few cool things with this method. I have some ideas in my head and can't wait to finalize them and possibly print them through Shapeways.

I've been going through a phase of wanting to redo my wardrobe. I've had the same clothes since middle school and I'm the kind of person to hold on to the old while adding new to my closet.
Coming home for the holidays, I'm walking back into my room full of items I don't need anymore and want to get rid of so much and start over and move on. #goals

01. Graphic Print Sweater from Oasap - This print is real cool and I love it on the gray. I've been all about sweaters lately and I want to collect more. I don't know why I don't have more!
02. Canvas Backpack from Oasap - I'm still searching for the perfect backpack and this one seems like the perfect structure and size I'm looking for.
03. Stay Home Club Tote Bag - This tote is awesome in size, and I'm sure it's the perfect bag to bring food shopping. And the print is real cool at the same time.
04. Farewell on Solestruck - Platforms were a thing I was always about and grew up wearing, and I love the grayscale and splatter.
05. Agyness Deyn/Dr. Martens on Solestruck - I have a love/hate relationship with Docs. I love the vintage feel/bowling shoes aspect.
06. Stay Home Club Pennant - I love pennants and banners and this one is adorable.

Seeing the items in this post has made me realized I've been all about neutrals and grays lately. I love my occasional bright pattern, but it's interesting to see how style changes over time.

I've never felt so uninspired in my life.
I haven't been in the mood to post about anything lately. I am still going through my dilemma about not having music as easily accessible as it was when I was living at home, so my days have basically been uber silent. (Don't get me wrong, I know how easy it is to play music on my laptop, but I loved my boombox. I sound so ridiculous saying that.) I don't leave the house too much, and I can't seem to get myself out of bed before 1 pm. I could go on and on about how my life has changed so drastically. But if I can be honest, I feel like I'm fallen in a ditch. Call it depression or whatever you want, but it's been taking a while for me to adjust and it definitely has taken a toll on me. I question if this is what rock bottom feels like. I've been deeply considering changing the situation, or sort of 'undoing' things. I definitely don't regret this move, because as so many people told me, if it doesn't work out, I can easily come back home and know that I did it. I won't ever be wondering that dreaded "what if".
This is all talk as of now anyway. But I'm seriously considering leaving before I fall deeper into this hole.

Anyway, now that the super honest part of how I've been feeling has been shared, I'll say that I just haven't had much going on for me right now. I think the issue of having too much time on my hands makes me not utilize my days correctly. I've been wasting so much time doing who knows what, and I feel so guilty not posting, but I just don't know what to post about. I've been working on projects here and there, but they're all in progress and nothing is completed and I haven't had much motivation to finish them.

I thought maybe changing up the blog layout would be a good idea to keep me busy and create something fresh, but I figured that's too much work right now. Then I thought maybe tweaking a few things here and there.
I'm not a big fan of taking pictures of myself, but I thought it was about time to change the top photo of me, as that was taken a year ago. I did it. I sucked it up and played with the self timer, and I concluded I look depressed in 90% of the photos I took. Honest portrayal of how I feel. But not really welcoming for a top image on a blog. Dilemma.

This one screams "I've been crying an hour before taking this photo. Look at the bags under my eyes". I scrapped that one. I didn't have much of a selection, so I picked the image where you saw half my face and can't really see too much emotion. Played it safe.
I also liked how I edited the initial image, so I followed the same scheme.
Minor blog change, but at least it's something.

I'm hoping to get out of this rut soon. I'll be going home for a few days for the holidays. I'll be home two weeks. A good amount of time to recuperate, or it might be just enough to be a tease. Either way, like I said, I'm considering changing this scenario, even if it feels like I've regressed. I just can't live like this anymore.
I apologize for getting too personal. I like to keep this blog an outlet for me to post about projects and crafts and positive things, but my life hasn't been too enjoyable to post uplifting things. I just hate not posting.

Sometime last month I mentioned this canvas art experimentation project I was working on.
Well, it's all finished finally and here's the result! I made palmistry inspired canvas art using my paper mache method.

Usually for paper mache projects, I like using a blender to get my scrap paper to a pulp-like consistency. I'm unfortunately not living with a blender at the moment, so I had to figure out another way to make it work. So I soaked my shredded paper scraps in a container of water overnight.
After I molded the hands using the soaked shredded paper and a towel to soak up the excess water, I let them sit on a dry towel to dry for a few days. When they were all dry, I used dry paper scraps to decoupage and smooth out the hands.

After experimenting with both methods with the soaked paper, I think I prefer the blender process better because the pulp stays together, as the process I tried this time around didn't work as successfully. But I made it work.

I got inspired from this pattern I made a few months ago and wanted to build something off of it. I took some of those elements and placed them on the hands along with other elements I researched.

I painted a base coat for two out of the three hands, and painted the elements by hand. I had a couple of variations drawn on paper and once I found a design that worked, I followed the design when painting everything.

To finish it off, I poked two holes at the top and molded wire to make them ready to hang.

It seems like a complicated process, but it's pretty easy. Just time consuming. It is pretty easy to lose patience around some parts of the process though, which is why I take so long to finish these sometimes, but the end result is always exciting.

All three are up for sale on my Storenvy shop. As I always say, I may make more if these sell. They're fun to make, and they're completely made up of recycled items, as is all my canvas art up for sale.

This was my first Thanksgiving away from home; it was quite different for sure.
I went a little crazy baking pies to distract myself from the fact that I wasn't with family. Well, I only baked two. I made my usual cinnamon pie, but I wanted to experiment with another. I watched Waitress recently and loved the marshmallow mermaid pie and actually found recipes for it. I created my version of it since I did a bad job at following the directions exactly.

I kept it as simple as possible.

Ingredients:
2 1/2 cups of marshmallows (I recommend peppermint marshmallows if you can find!)
1 cup of milk (whole milk is best)
2 cups of cool whip
4 tablespoons of crushed chocolate (dark chocolate is the way to go)
1 9-inch graham cracker crust

Directions:
01. Melt two cups of marshmallows and the milk into a saucepan over low heat. Make sure to stir.
02. When it's melted, transfer to a bowl and let it cool.
03. In a bigger bowl, beat the cool whip. I beat it by hand with a baking spatula, but you can use a mixer.
04. Pour the crushed chocolate pieces into the cool whip and fold in the chocolate.
05. After you're satisfied with the amount of chocolate mixed in, pour in the marshmallow mix and fold in the mixture.
06. Finally, pour the mix into the graham cracker crust.
07. Take the leftover marshmallows and place them on top of the pie until you're satisfied.
08. Refrigerate for at least half an hour before eating.

Caution: don't slice a big piece as it is pretty damn sugary. But it's light, whipped, and delicious. So enjoy!